Is your mood dependent on the happiness of others? You may be co-dependent on others to meet your emotional needs. Co-dependency is caused by emotional neglect or trauma in childhood. It is developed in our subconscious in our early years of life. You may believe that we are not good enough and have become the giver or the peacemaker in a relationship. It is common to suffer from low-self-esteem and to lack of boundaries, giving all that you have in your being until you have run out of energy. You may be under the delusion that the more you give to others, the more they will reciprocate. be reciprocal. Some believe that if they rescue others, others will love them more and validate them for their kindness. All of these examples are falsehoods. The rescuer identity is a false God. The truth is that co-dependent people suffer with low self-worth and a lack of identity. The only way that they can fulfil their own needs is to give themselves to others.
Co-dependant people may view others as faulty or in need of rescuing. It is not up to you to rescue everyone; people are responsible for themselves. Some of us are scared to rock the boat in relationships and are prepared to put up with almost anything to please the other person. We think that others will do the same, so we do not face reality and apologise rather than face rough seas. You may be worried or obsessed about what others think of you. This worry or obsession over the thoughts and feelings of others causes us to never feel safe, peaceful, or calm. Co-dependants base their sense of self on what other people think and in return are open to exploitation by people who feel entitled to exploit others. Your inner voice may tell you to say yes when you mean no. Counselling will help you to learn to say NO to honour your own needs and to say YES when you mean yes. Counselling will help you to learn to live with vulnerability and ride the rough waves in order to be true to yourself.
Counselling will help you to seek approval of your inner voice first. You need to learn to give yourself permission to do what is right for you. Learning to honour yourself above all others is not easy, even if what you wish for is not what others want for you. You may not realise that you probably seek permission from a partner or others to feel unhappy, sad, upset, or angry. The truth is no one can tell you how you feel except for yourself. It is not their right. The counselling process will enable you to give yourself permission to feel what you feel and honour how you feel.
Learning to honour your inner voice through counselling will help you be able to sit with anxiety and put boundaries in place. Imagine the freedom and power that comes with saying: “No, I don’t want that anymore.” Anxiety will become a friend an indicator that your thoughts and body are giving you signals to do what is right for you, not others. Anxiety is a cue to help you recognise that you are in the company of people who do not resonate with your my truth and well-being. Perhaps you have been wounded by others emotionally or spiritually and for unknown reasons and are drawn into helping them over and over again. Struggling to say no to others is an identity issue that can be addressed in counselling. The counselling process will help you to learn to recognise your cues and use this guidance as a way of guide you towards protecting and honouring your true self. Our bodies will always send us signals, so it is important to discern when we are safe or unsafe rather than push anxiety away because we are worried about the reactions of others. Recognising anxiety rather than reacting to it will become your guide to learn to avoid people who may be judgemental, insensitive, cruel, manipulative, or unkind. Counselling will help your inner voice to become aware of when your co-dependency is taking control. Imagine what would it be like to say no to someone giving you anxiety. You probably fear making others angry but sometimes we have to rock the boat and face our fears to be able to honour ourselves. At other times, your gut might be telling you that you need to take responsibility and remove yourself from situations rather than cause yourself discomfort. Honouring your gut reactions can be a challenge. It is better to walk away from those who do not see the good in you rather than take on their beliefs by making them your truth.
We have to accept that others have rights to their own reality even if their reality is completely different from ours or perhaps hurtful, disapproving, shameful or wrong. What others think, feel, or behave is not our concern. We need to honour ourselves by not engaging in how they feel and by staying true to how we feel. The counselling process can help you manage this anxiety and give you the ability to take courage to walk away from people who are not helpful.
Saying no to co-dependency is a heroic journey that can help you live a rich and meaningful life in line with your own goals and values, not those of others.